Do what you love

menards - Do what you love

 

85 percent of American’s do not like the job they are doing.  Most people have a healthy mind and body, strong enough to work a job that they would love, if they just had the inclination to do so.

 

So, the magical question is, why do so many Americans work a job they hate? Day after day?  Selling their life for a paycheck?  The sad thing is, I know exactly why, because that guy was me.

 

I remember putting away stock at Menards, I was going through their management training program.  The program was fast paced, and I felt I was not learning anything.  Menards wanted me to finish the agenda quickly, because they wanted me to be the assistant manager in the hardware department of a new store opening in Chicago.  What I did not understand about the company, was that people who knew the hardware department inside and out, people who have been working the position for years, were going to be overlooked so I could have it.  I only graced the hardware department, only spent two weeks in it while going through the management program.  The funny thing was, I never even spent time as a builder, I barely knew how to use a hammer, let alone give someone advice on how to build a home.  I was out of my element.  The only reason they wanted me to have the job, was because I had a bachelors, and what was even more crazy, the bachelors was in science, not business.  I was turtle slow when It came to putting out stock, setting sales, and creating planograms.  I knew that when I went to Chicago, I was going to be buried, and probably fired quickly, due to my lack skill.  I felt complimented in the fact that people had faith in me, but I knew, being a manager, was not what I wanted.

 

It wasn’t that I lacked faith in myself, I feel, given enough time and training, I could become a very competent manager.  I even tried talking myself into keeping the job.  The number one reason was of course money, I could be making up to sixty thousand a year, with benefits.  It was based on salary.  I knew though, the time I would have to trade, the hours a week I would have to work.  When you are a manager at Menards, you cannot leave until the job is done.  And trust me, there are a lot of things that need to be done.  A forty-hour week is considered part-time when you are a manager.  I used to laugh when people said that they would work over 70 hours a week there, until I witnessed it myself.  It was not unusual for a manager to work late, sometimes past midnight, and have to open the next morning, that is, be there at 5:50 a.m.  After you factor in driving and getting ready for bed, maybe you got four hours of sleep, just to work another horrendous day.  Not every day was like that of course, but there were enough of them to make me anxious.  Especially around Christmas time, and whenever they had big sales.   Some managers even slept in the parking lot to save time, but Menards decided that was a no-no.  Even with the atrocious hours, I still tried to talk myself into taking the job.  I was an avid studier of human communication, had a certification in personal training, and loved doing hypnosis.  My passion was to help people through communication, I wanted to be a life coach, and therapist deep down.  I told myself that being a manager would in many ways would be a lot like being a therapist, but, the element of truth to that was small, so I decided to stop lying to myself.

 

Of course, I had to ask myself, what was stopping me from fulling my dream?  It was a complicated question.  I think deep down I was scared of failure, more scared of success, and probably believed it would never really happen.  I did not want to feel like a chump.  But then I realized, the pain of not trying, was going to override the pain of trying with failing.

 

So I said no to the management job in Chicago, and went down to part-time at the hardware department.  I took a pay-cut, and started using the extra hours to work on getting into school.  I started my own blog, my own website, and things are building.  I am now certified in life-coaching and am getting a Master’s in counseling.  The up-side is that I am doing what I love, the downside is that I am as poorer then a church mouse.  But that is OK.  I’d rather be poor working towards my dream, then making money, and trading my life away.  In the end, I will not be poor.  If you are working towards something you are passionate in, it is no longer work.

 

Of course, my mission is not near over, still many things to do.  I have to push myself to get clients, I have to get out of my comfort zone.  I will have to change things within me, that I am scared to do.  But that is the consequence of taking such risk.  At the end of the day though, when I look in the mirror, I smile, and that is something that in the past I have not done very often.

Everyone needs some extra help, someone to listen to them, to help them achieve their goals and feel better.  I have been a life coach, and personal trainer for years and  am currently getting my masters/PhD in counseling and therapy.  Please feel free to call me if you would like to talk about the possibility of having a life coach.  Just dial 517-898-7574

 

 

 

 

 

Why Confidence is more powerful than degrees

degree - Why Confidence is more powerful than degrees

The beautiful energy when everything comes together I can only now imagine that energy.  When all the cogs of life, turn in complete unison, giving you that inevitable success, that power.  When your mind, body and soul are united in one front, you feel invincible.  People, who have achieved such amazing success, talk about the thousands of hours that are put into their craft, before the magic happens.  And it is magic.

I had a powerful drive, a strong motivation to get things done.  I realized though, that sometimes my motivation got me into more trouble, then helped me out.  Many things I did in life did not pan out, and it has caused me immense frustration.  I remember when I received my personal training certificate through the NSCA-CPT.  I studied day and night to obtain that accreditation, and I was immensely proud of myself when I got it.  I was working at the YMCA at the time, worked as a personal trainer, that is the reason I got certified.  I thought for sure clients would be coming through the door, and not only would I be training people, but I would be making a decent living as well.

Nothing happened.  I started with zero clients, and ended up with zero clients.  What happened?  I talked to people in the gym, I had an incredible amount of knowledge about working out, I could genuinely help people.  I have to admit, that was not the most frustrating aspect of the adventure though, the more frustrating thing was seeing one personal trainer, who was not even certified at the time, who had tons of clients.  People were lining up to see him.  I just could not understand it.   My frustration, as strong as it was, was not as powerful as my curiosity.  There were a couple of things I noticed about my colleague, that opened my eyes on to why he was so successful.

 

  1. Confidence speaks louder then degrees. I noticed when I talked to people, I did not talk with confidence, I always second guessed my procedures.  I told people I was newly certified, yet I was excited to work with them.    My colleague, he loved working out, and he was CONFIDENT on what he was doing, and it showed.  He never second guessed himself, and people could read that from him.  From watching him, I realized that confidence is the name of the game.  If you BELIEVE in yourself, you will be successful.  You can have as many degrees as you want, but without confidence, they are just 20,000 dollar pieces of framed paper on your wall.
  2. Being social. He was a friendly guy, much friendlier then me.  When I went out to talk to people on the gym floor, or in public, I felt like it was job.  I dreaded it, I felt uncomfortable talking to people about their workouts.  My colleague on the other hand, he loved it!  It was not just talking to people about working out,  he genuinely had fun conversing.  He would talk about their lives and all kinds of things.  He was engaged with them.  Sometimes working out did not even come up in the conversation, but I would realize later, a lot of these people would become clients.  HE MADE PEOPLE FEEL IMPORTANT.  Not only that, he was best friends with our boss, which I am sure helped out a lot.  I used to get upset with that, thought he was being a “suck up”, but that mind frame, was terrible.  He was friends with the boss because he was friendly with everyone, even me! He sincerely liked people.

 

So, the moral of the story, and what I painfully learned, is that CONFIDENCE is more important than DEGREES.  My colleague new his stuff, and he knows he knew his stuff.

I have seen time after time, people, without degrees, who were wildly successful.  They had those two magical ingredients, confidence and friendliness.

If you want something, go out there and get it.  If you do not have the confidence, FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.  It is possible.

Please write back, let me hear your thoughts!  Have a wonderful day

Everyone needs some extra help, someone to listen to them, to help them achieve their goals and feel better.  I have been a life coach, and personal trainer for years and  am currently getting my masters/PhD in counseling and therapy.  Please feel free to call me if you would like to talk about the possibility of having a life coach.  Just dial 517-898-7574

 

 

 

 

 

 

Money, romance and health

money romance health - Money, romance and health

 

Everyone wants the good life, money, romance and health.  We all want to feel important, and feel as though our life has meaning.  It does not seem it should be hard to do, with so many resources at our disposal.  The reality is though, is that most people are not content with their lives, in fact, many are downright miserable, and I was one of them.

For years, while I was chasing the dream of importance, I realized that I was not happy at all.  something was terribly off.  I was working well over full time hours at my job that, trying to increase my wealth, and it was making me miserable.  Every day I would wake up, go to work, come home exhausted, just to wake up and do the same thing.  At work, I would try to make friends, and when I got home I would take a small walk, to keep up with my exercise.  It seemed the American dream of having it all was not coming anytime soon.  I started wondering to myself, what is this dream I’m chasing?  I am literally selling my life, for a paycheck, so I can buy things that I really do not even need.  What was I doing with my existence?  I was not feeling important at all, instead I was feeling like a small ant amongst the millions of others, doing mindless work.  When I listened to rock music, on the car ride back to my place, I would think about the musicians, and how envious I was of them for living the life the way they wanted.   I felt ashamed for being envious, but I couldn’t help it.  I had my own talents, I played piano, and did stand-up comedy, but it never took off.   I have a friend though, who is a well-known comic, and I had him over to my place, and I tried to live vicariously through his stories.  The funny things was, he was not happy either.  He did not like being on the road , and he missed his family.  He did love being a stand-up comedian, because it is a lot like therapy, but it was beginning to be too much.  He then divulged to me, that being a stand-up comedian was nice, but he still felt he was missing something, he wanted something deeper.

 

So what was the solution?  Why were we not happy?  I had a job I worked hard at, that I thought would give me satisfaction, and my friend was more or less living the dream, doing something that he thought he would love.  I then realized what the problem was, we were both so busy, we had not time to enjoy the fruits of our labors, and our health was suffering.

 

I feel working hard is important, that putting in the hours, and doing what you love (for many people) is the key to happiness and satisfaction.  But life is a balance, and when that balance gets out of whack, bad things begin to happen.  Let’s face it, we are not meant to work endless hours, all year long.  We are not designed to wake up, be yanked out of sleep by a loud alarm clock, get in a car, fight traffic, and work endless hours.  It is important that we make a living, that we have a roof over our heads, and food on the table, and if you have children, then you probably feel you have no choice.  But you do have a choice.  We all have a choice.

 

I decided to cut my hours, IN HALF.  I decided to enjoy my life.  I decided to put some coinage into my health and relationships.  I made a choice to start doing things that I was really passionate in, like playing more music and creating a blog post.  To start studying and go back to school.   I decided that resting when I was tired, was important, not a waste of time.  I started investing in meditation, yoga and self-hypnosis.  I started getting rid of material STUFF that was cluttering up my life, and the emptier my place became, the more peace I begin to feel.

 

I stopped living America’s dream, and started living my own dream.

 

Life is short, why wait to retire to live a relaxing/productive life?  I realized I am more productive when I am relaxed, not rushing.

 

What I have done has helped me, I bet it will help you too…

 

Have a great day.

 

Everyone needs some extra help, someone to listen to them, to help them achieve their goals and feel better.  I have been a life coach, and personal trainer for years and  am currently getting my masters/PhD in counseling and therapy.  Please feel free to call me if you would like to talk about the possibility of having a life coach.  Just dial 517-898-7574

Therapists, not politicians, should run government

politicians - Therapists, not politicians, should run government

I wish therapist and counselors were politicians, instead of politicians.  The quest for power has always attracted the worst kinds of people, or at least has brought out the traits that have the capacity to cause a lot of damage to the people they are governing.  There are a couple of things I have noticed that seems to be a commonality amongst politicians:

 

  1. Cognitive dissonance.  This phenomenon is something that effects not just politicians but all of us.  According to the online dictionary, it is, “the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.”  What this means, is that once a decision is made, you stick to it, because you want to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of perhaps you made the wrong choice.  It is one reason why people will stay in a relationship that is toxic, way past the due date, because admitting that your thoughts could have been wrong, is a very uncomfortable idea indeed.   Cognitive dissonance in politics, has the potential to destroy us all.  For example, many politicians do not believe global warming is real, or at least it is not created by humans.  Therefore, they will block policies to try to reduce carbon emissions.  Admitting they are wrong, would be too painful, especially if the ego is enlarged in that certain individual.  So, someone who avoids cognitive dissonance with vigor, is going to only accept evidence of theories that only accept their viewpoint, and nothing else.  So you can present the best evidence to this person, and their mind will block it, they will only accept it if it conforms to their ideology.

A therapists job, is to keep an open mind, and accept the ideas of others.  If a therapist is presented with a viewpoint that was different then their own, they would listen to the evidence, and not reject the idea because they are aware of cognitive dissonance.

 

  1. The law of reciprocation. This one is simple, and dangerous.  The corporations (or people) who give me the most money, are the people I work for.  We are under the myth that government works for the people, it works for whoever put them into power.  So if the “grandma cookie corporation” put me into office, I will forever be working for the “grandma cookie corporation.   The downside of this of course, is that, what is usually good for the corporation, is not good for you or I.  Because of the law of reciprocation, these companies can invest millions into a politician, and get billions back in returns.  Not a bad investment.  The only problem is, it has the potential to destroy the environment, and a good living wage for anyone working for grandma, and tons of other things.  Not even a therapist is immune to this, nobody is.  If we were to get rid of this phenomenon, we would have to change the laws of our country, where people are not allowed to give unlimited donations in secret.  The larger the sums of donations given, the larger the law.

 

  1. Group think.  According to the online dictionary it is, “the practice of thinking or making decisions as a group in a way that discourages creativity or individual responsibility.”  In a nutshell, you are going to vote on things, that your party votes on, no matter how terrible the bill may be.  You do not want to go against your party.  Going against the group, could be political suicide.  Unfortunately, that is the system we are in.  I could write a thousand-page book on the subject of group think, it is the reason why the two-party system we have is split.  Republicans will vote unanimously for one thing, while every democrat will vote against it.  It is sad to watch, it is pathetic and it is one of the cogs that is delaying true creativity and change.

 

A therapist or counselor would encourage creativity, would get out of the realm of  group think.   Ideas would be presented, and talked about.  These dangerous games that are being played in politics, the rules they create, that are hurting so many of us, it is something that has got to stop.  The only way it is going to stop is if people start educating themselves on the people who are representing them.  To look beyond the nefarious rhetoric, and to see who the individual really is.  The irony of the politician is, they need your vote, so they are not going to tell you the truth.  If they are going to work for the rich, they are not going to tell you that, it is up to us to get to the truth.  We must work hard at not  only changing the politicians, but the way the system is ran as well.  Things get passed, under the radar, all the time, and it is the little things that can sink the boat.

Anyway, those are my thoughts of the day.  Please respond! Have a wonderful existence.

Everyone needs some extra help, someone to listen to them, to help them achieve their goals and feel better.  I have been a life coach, and personal trainer for years and  am currently getting my masters/PhD in counseling and therapy.  Please feel free to call me if you would like to talk about the possibility of having a life coach.  Just dial 517-898-7574

How to stop worrying, for good

sad eyes - How to stop worrying, for good

I have been at the hands of worry, anxiety, and negative thoughts for years.  I used to let them run my life, take away the moment.  I could feel this “slush” of toxic emotion coursing through my body, like a slow acid, burning away my nervous system.  I let this happen because I was under a false belief, I believed that worrying somehow helped solve my problems.  Worrying, itself, is a wasted emotion, it has never solved anything, and it never will.  Worrying is not action, anxiety is not action, it is just negative emotions that can cause terrible health consequences later in life.

I am not saying not to take action when things happen.  It is ok to listen to your body, and your thoughts if something is not right.  My point is though, is once you have identified what is not right, take action, and then let the negative feelings go.  So here is the solution.  It is simple, and it may take some time to work.  But just like anything in life, practice makes perfect.   Let yourself think about what is worrying you, at a timed interval.  So if I choose to worry about something, I will tell myself, “OK, tonight, at five p.m. I will let myself worry about this particular situation for 15 minutes.”  I will set a timer, and let myself think about the situation.  During that time, I will journal and come up with an action plan for change.  Once the timer goes off, and I have my action plan, it is time to stop worrying.

This is one of many tools I use to help myself.  It has been proven to be very effective for me, and I am sure it will be for you as well.  I understand though, how insidious anxiety can be, even with hundreds of tools at your disposal, anxiety can and probably will rear its nasty head.  Worrying and anxiety is like it’s own entity, that is ready to fight back doubly hard, if it feels it’s existence is threatened.

Everyone needs some extra help, someone to listen to them, to help them achieve their goals and feel better.  I have been a life coach, and personal trainer for years and  am currently getting my masters/PhD in counseling and therapy.  Please feel free to call me if you would like to talk about the possibility of having a life coach.  Just dial 517-898-7574

Please respond to my post if you have any ideas yourself! I hope you have a wonderful day

 

 

 

Save your relationship and career

BOSS - Save your relationship and careerSomeone once said, “never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.”  Those type of words can really get someone in trouble.

Communication is one of those things, that is more of an art, then just a simple action.  Before I communicate something big, like telling my boss off, I realized I need to start asking myself a couple of questions first.  First, before I go on this endeavor, am I in the right state of mind?  Because if the answer is no, then proceeding on my quest for office place justice, might not be the smartest move.

Life can drastically feel different if you have had a bad night’s sleep, have not gotten proper nutrition (this includes proper hydration) and have not had a little bit of exercise.  Life really is about the essentials, but it is the essentials we forgot about the most.
The problem about saying something to someone, is that once it is said, it can never be unsaid.  And once said, it can plant the seeds destruction in your job or relationship.  The wrong words said, can cause tremendous heartache, and sometimes violence, (hence, saying something stupid to someone stupid.)

So, the first step is recognizing that your mind is not functioning at full capacity.  The second step, is to bring your mind back to homeostasis.  Once your mind is back to homeostasis, it is time to take action.

I hope this article helps, please watch the video below for the simplistic version of what I have to say!

 

Fallen horse

Dreams sometimes die as quick as they are born.   Blows away like dust, goes away so quickly, the dream never even had a chance to make it to memory.

I had a dream, a dream of having a successful WordPress site, where people could share their hopes, their fears and where we could all be together helping each other out.  I was too sensitive though, to see it through.  But I’m back.  I am not going to let some of the few bring me down, those who hack into my personal space for nefarious reasons.  I have forgotten the cardinal rule, and that is you don’t ever quit.  There is not failure only results.

When I fell of the horse, I broke some bones, lost consciousness.  Woke up in the hospital, I have recently gotten the strength to walk again, and my bones have healed back stronger then before.

This is my first trial run on the horse again.  I am riding nice and easy.  I will though, be picking up speed again.  The inertia of life, feeling the high of the power.  The power of people rallying together for a single purpose.  Please join me on my quest, those who have a purpose to help.  And if  you are in pain, let us be in pain together, so we can heal together.

Talk to you soon.

 

Should teens be tried as adults

juvie

 

This is a poem from a teenage boy, who is a convicted felon.  He wishes to remain anonymous

 

One Last Chance

All I need is one last chance
But will I get it?
Only the judge knows.
In the past, I’ve said I’m going to change
with no intention in my heart.
I say I want to stay sober
Yet all I want is to get high.
Everytime I get out
I run straight to the block
thinking they can help me manage my life
But all they do is corrupt me with the drugs
that make me a slave
So every day, I pray to my God
For just one last chance
to get out of the game.

Should adolescents be tried as adults?

I will be exploring how an adolescent thinks, vs. how an adult thinks. I will then explore the American justice system, and investigate if they take into consideration the science behind the results.

The science behind the brain
Neuroscientists have given a name to the process of the brain maturing, it is called neuromaturation. Our brain is made up of both grey matter and white matter. Grey matter is organized by the nerve cell bodies, and by most of the dendrites. Grey matter, has no myelin sheath around it. Grey matter is in control of our senses and motor regulation of the muscles. Grey matter is mostly matured between the ages of 11 and 12. It is the white matter that is a different story. White matter, as opposed to grey matter, has a myelin sheath. White matter is not matured until we are in our twenties. In a nutshell, grey matter does the processing and storage of information, while white matter forms the connections. So, metaphorically speaking, grey matter writes the email, and white matter delivers it.

So, why does white matter, matter?
White matter matters because it connects everything together. What does it matter if your mind is able to conduct good science based on hypothetical reasoning, if that reasoning cannot be delivered properly? So in essence, the different parts of the brain, are not able to communicate with one another as efficiently as an adult.
Do not forget about the frontal lobe
The frontal lobe, the last in line to get the myelin connections, is the last part of the processing. This is crucial because of what the frontal association does. It is responsible for attention, impulses, and motivation. I bold impulse because that is something that can really get someone into trouble.
So, what does this all mean?
It means that adolescents cannot process at the same degree that an adult does. Without a strong mind connection, the adolescent is not able to look at the whole picture when decisions are being made. They are not able to understand the long term consequences of what they are doing, and the potential risks of doing such behaviors might lead to. We must also understand that their coping mechanisms are not as good as a mature adult either. So that means they are much easier to influence and persuade.
Miller v. Alabama
Things are changing, fortunately. The United States Supreme Court, issued a ruling on June 25, 2012 stating that young adolescents cannot be prosecuted as if they were adults. The court also realized that children have tremendous potential for change, and that they need extra safety and kindness while in the criminal justice system.
Unfortunately, many people still believe children should be punished as adults. I have always been under the impression, if children are doing bad things, then bad things are happening to them. And what is the help in punishing someone who needs love and attention?
In conclusion
I do have faith in the system, Miller v. Alabama is a strong step in the right direction. I believe America has a very flawed criminal justice system, not just for the children, but for the adults as well. But that is another paper for another time.

References
Capuzzi, D. & Stauffer, M. (2016). Human Growth and Development Across the Lifespan: Application for Counselors. New Jersey: Wiley
Miller v. Alabama: EJI. Retrieved from http://eji.org/miller-v-alabama
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Election results

trump-obama-hilary

 

 

By guest post

I don’t dwell on politics but…I listened intently to the election results in anticipation. I could not help but think the election was reminiscent of Obama’s first election. We, as a nation, sought change. We elected the candidate we thought would bring us that change. Granted Trump is more rude and crude than most public figures, but, actions speak louder than words. We are and always will be a country of different views on everything. That’s why we are amazing!! We are allowed and encouraged to have those differences. Why should our president be an exception to that ideology? We asked for change, I think change is a gonna happen. Positive or negative is yet to be seen. The world is watching and waiting for our next move now. Donald Trump is going to take office, the sun will rise tomorrow and we will still all stand up with pride for our America. We need to buckle in and hang on to whatever ride he is going to take us on as a country. Just as we did 8 years ago. We still have the power to show the world that we are not divided, we will not let a change in our leadership weaken our America. Weaken our want for every country to have the same privilege we have, for every voice to be able to speak freely and be objective. We will endure, we will move forward. We are the land of the free and the home of the brave.

 

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