“Narcissistic people are always struggling with the fact that the rest of the world doesn’t revolve around them.” – Unknown
I have talked to numerous people, who have had toxic relationships with someone who was a narcissist. Narcissist are truly dangerous, because out of all the personality disorders, narcissist are by the far the best actors. They come off witty, intelligent, and very nice, but that is only because they are trying to rope you in. Let me explain, if it is a relationship they want, they are going to do, or say, anything that they need to make that happen. By the time you figure out who this person really is, and that you are in a toxic relationship, years of your life may have been invested.
Narcissism is a formula of different personality traits, one of which is having no empathy for other people except themselves. You are not really a person in the eyes of a narcissist, you are reduced to an object of gratification. There are many reasons a narcissist might use you, it could be to boost their ego, for sexual gratification, or other things. They will make you feel like they have empathy, but that is because they are putting on a show to get their fill. And the problem with the narcissist, is that they will never be satisfied, so eventually, they will leave you feeling empty, confused and maybe even insane.
It is a push pull relationship with a narcissist. Because they know what to say, and how to act, to wrench on your heartstrings, to draw you back in.
You are a smart person, you know when you have been taken advantage of, so, after a while you understand you have to leave this person. The problem is, the narcissist knows how to trump your logical mind by pursuing your heart. So instead of leaving the creature, you have another baby, or give them another loan or do something crazy and invest more in with this person, who is literally destroying your sanity. It is a spiraling downfall, one that is next to impossible to retreat from.
When you see someone in a relationship with a narcissist, you scratch you head, because everyone on the outside can see how toxic the association is. We wonder why the hell you put up with it. Of course, we are not the ones being manipulated like a marionette.
Some narcissist are so good at acting though, on the outside the relationship may looks like a dream come true, like he is a regular Romeo. But again, that is what causes some of the insanity, because they will make you question your own judgements, your own reality.
Healing from such a relationship takes time. And it isn’t until much later, after the relationship has terminated, that any such healing can start taking place. You first must understand that you have been emotionally manipulated for years, and you’re going to have to start building trust up in yourself again. That is because chances are you no longer trust yourself, or your instincts, because you feel you let this happen. You have to be gentle, nobody, unless they are a trained psychotherapist, really has the tools to combat a true narcissist. They are powerful people, many of them are running the country, and have positions of power. They are good at what they do, because they don’t even know they are doing it!
A true narcissist does not know they are a narcissist, because admitting so would be admitting they have weakness, and their egos are too fragile to admit fault. That is why, everything is to blame, but themselves. In fact many narcissist claim other people are narcissist (I already know what you’re thinking, so stop it!). Narcissist are insane, and is a true personality disorder, it is just as serious as someone who suffers schizophrenia or paranoid disorders. They rarely get help, because they feel they are already perfect. Deep down, they have no self-esteem. That is why they cannot blame themselves, it takes a strong person to admit fault, and to grow from mistakes. If you feel you are in the grip of a narcissist, ask yourself a couple questions….
- Does this person ever take responsibility for things? Especially when things go wrong? And this question can be tricky, because a narcissist will take responsibility for things, but they may only be doing it to get something from you. We are looking for intentions. If they are saying sorry for something, only to get something from you, then it really isn’t a sincere apology. Again, these people are fabulous actors.
- Do they quickly blame others for problems in their life?
- Do they exaggerate their self-worth, or what they do? Do they brag about how much money they make or how many friends they have? It may be difficult to spot the difference between bragging and confidence, but again, it all goes down to intentions. A confident person will talk less about self-importance, and more about self-worth.
- Do they quickly judge other people harshly without question? Narcissist lack empathy or understanding of other people and situations. For example in the mind of a narcissist, if someone is poor, they deserve it.
- Do they listen to you? Try to understand you? Or do they mostly (or always) talk about themselves and what makes them happy.
- Do they easily become jealous? The reason I ask this is because a narcissistic individual spends their life protecting the ego. If someone or something enters their life who is threatening their world, they will react to get rid of the risk, imaginary or real.
Those were just a sample of some of the questions you can ask yourself in trying to identify a narcissist. I hope you enjoyed my post, please respond, I want to hear your point of view so I may learn from your experiences.