Life goes on




“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” ~ Robert Frost

No matter how bad things become, or what happens to you in your life, things do go on. Just like a deep wound, it will eventually stop bleeding (if you survive it), and yes, it will leave a scar, but it does get better.  And sometimes it is though scars, that remind us of what we went through and the strength we have.

But what about mental scars? Do they follow the same rules as physical scars? In many ways yes. I have been in situations before where I felt at the moment, it is not possible for me to get through this hardship, and panic would begin to fill up my body without remorse. Of course, after my adrenal glands stopped pumping adrenaline through my blood stream, and I was able to take several deep breaths, I begin to calm down and realized that yes, things would get better.

Of course, not all mental scars are the same. If they are not bandaged correctly, they actually can get worse over time. And the wound becomes deeper.

That mental blemish could turn into fear, which would inevitably turn into hate and anger. So that is why it is so important to bandage the hurt, and take your time with it, and to be gentle with yourself through the process.

A lot of people do not know they even have mental injuries, because their mind has worked so hard to protect them.

His name is Kyle, and he has suffered an odd and terrible childhood.  When he was younger, he was kidnapped by his own mother, along with his sister to Montana.   HIs mother was not allowed custody of the children because of  her mental health issues.  She was later arrested, and taken to prison.  Kyle never told me the stories in detail, because I could tell it hurt him, and frankly, he just didn’t know how.  He did tell me though how later his mother tried to kill his father with a handgun  after she got out of prison.  I cannot even imagine the pscyhological ramifications something like this has on a child.  Kyle never did acknowledge, or take care of his mental wounds.  His mind developed coping mechanisms that has made him untrusting and extremely paranoid.

Presently Kyle does not trust in anyone, always feeling people are out to get him.  Because of this, his relationships suffer and people have a hard time being in his presence.  His paranoia keeps him from getting help, his mind tells him that it is not him who has the problem, but the world.  Negativity covers him like a thick stink, and I can only stomach being around him for so long.  I feel sorry for him, and dislike him at the same time.

I hope he gets the help he needs, but the lesson I have learned is if people are not ready to receive help, then it is not your responsibility to save them.  The only thing that will happen is that your energy will be sapped, leaving you miserable.

I enjoy the above quote, because it is on the forefront of what needs to be done, to me, it is interpreted as not dwelling in the mud bog of the past, but instead embracing the moment, and going on. It is like what Alfred said to Bruce Wayne in the movie, Batman Begins, “What do you do when you fall off the horse? You get back on.” So simple, and so powerful. Sometimes simple is best. When you fall off the horse though, you don’t have to get back on right away, but you sure don’t want to stay in the mud. Stand up, brush yourself off, maybe even walk the horse back to the stable. Strengthen yourself back up. After some good rest and nutrition,  jump back on that horse.

Easier said then done? Everything in life is easier said then done, and sometimes getting back on the horse requires a lot of time, reflection, therapy and most importantly patience. I understand that, I feel I am just getting back on the horse after a twenty year hiatus. The wonderful and terrible thing about life, is that it is going to go on, whether we want it to or not. So instead of fighting the tides, we should go with them. Start with where you are, with the resources you have. It is all you can do, it is all any of us can do. The funny thing about depression, is that when you are in it, sometimes you cannot remember how you got into it in the first place. It is the same with happiness, when you keep living life, you wake up one day happy, not knowing how it happened, but it did.

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