Sins of the father

father

“America used to live by the motto “Father Knows Best.” Now we’re lucky if “Father Knows He Has Children.” We’ve become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.”

Stephen Colbert, I Am America

 

 

Abby said something to me, that opened up a new perspective in my mind. The revelation came after I asked her a question about her soon to be ex-husband, whom she had three children with.  I asked her why she picked that man.

I exclaimed that a father to me is not someone who just fertilizes a female’s egg, and produces offspring, because let’s be honest, anyone with the right “equipment” can do that. A father is a role model and protector for the ones they love. I have learned that their role is just as important as a mother’s, in the development of self-esteem, psychological health and emotional stability. If a child just has a male figure in his life, that shows him/her love, that child is going to be so much more then if they were neglected. A father passes on wisdom, patience and self-worth. I am lucky to have such a father, it is the reason why subconsciously I have the confidence and love in myself to pursue my dreams, including this website.

I know too many children without a dad. I’m not sure what to think about that. I cannot understand how someone can produce a child and not want to be part of their life. Perhaps the dad
doesn’t like the mother, and associates his child with her, and wants nothing to do with either. I’m sure there are a lot of psychological variables that I am not considering since I have never been put into those shoes. This phenomenon seems to be happening more and more in our society. I am scared of the ramifications this is going to have on our culture, and our children. I wished that deep down sex did not produce children, which I admit is a terrible thought, but it is how I presently feel.  I don’t think being a father is as biological as it is a state of mind.  For example  I have no children, but I have realized that I can be a father at any time, just by volunteering my time and wisdom to children. And when I say children, I mean anyone, for instance I could be father to my own father.

When I was talking to Abby, and asked her about why she produced children with a man she doesn’t even like right now, she just looked at me and smiled. I told her I did not mean to be judgmental, I was genuinely curious about the situation.

She told me how she thought she knew Greg, but one day woke up next to him and realized that she did not know him at all. Even though she was with him for over twenty years, she didn’t understand the first thing about him. She knew he loved watching football, and that he liked hanging out with his brothers, and that he loved drinking beer in his man cave after work. But she did not know what he believed in, or felt or thought about things on a deeper level. And the sad thing was he never asked how she really thought or felt about things either.

She went on to tell me that even though they both speak English, they were not speaking the same language. She said, it was as if we were both hypnotized, doing the dance of making a family, just going through the motions like everyone else.  She told me that she never  really loved him. But, after you put in so many years with someone, make children, create a life with that individual, you don’t want to admit failure. You don’t want to tell yourself that it was all for nothing, or entertain the idea you could have made a terrible mistake.

She said it wasn’t until years later that a deeper intuition spoke up inside of me that said, I have no idea who this man is and I am not happy. And that is when I questioned everything I was doing. I knew I had to face what I had been denying.

Abby told Greg how she felt, and he responded in anger.   Greg said  that their relationship didn’t need counseling.  Abby, with a broken heart said she wanted to get to know him better, to find out who he really was.  She then begin to realize that she was annoying him, and that she had been annoying him for years.

I admired Abby’s courage for facing her fears, and admitting what so many of us ignore. I began to think about Greg though, and his part in it. His role as the father, or at least his duty as a responsible human being. Why would he produce children with someone he didn’t really even like? Later on I would ask him that same question, and he never did have an answer for me, just said it was what Abby wanted. That answer made me angry, because of the weight of the decisions being made.

A Father is not just a figure to raise the children, but a figure to help raise the family, including the person they are with. It is someone who thinks before they act, and is willing to sacrifice for what is right not just for them, but for everyone.

I guess this post has me put me on a soap box, but sometimes I have to write what I feel. If you think I am being harsh, please write back in the comments. I want to learn about what you have to say. I am sure there are many pieces to this puzzle I do not understand, if you are a father and I have offended you I’m sorry. I want to learn from everyones perspective.

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Dangerously content

lazy

“Procrastination is my sin. It brings me naught but sorrow. I know that I should stop it. In fact, I will–tomorrow”

― Gloria Pitzer

Tom came to me, not knowing where else to go, still shocked of the news his wife gave him earlier that morning. We met at the public gardens, and when I saw his face, I knew an emotional grenade had blown him up not to long ago.

I could see my distorted reflection within his glassy eyes, and I asked him, “What is wrong?”
He spoke solemnly and said, “My wife is filing for divorce.”
I looked at him, not saying anything, I was just studying his presence, waiting for him to continue, he then said,
“I don’t understand. I was nothing but perfect to her, we never argued or fought, I never cheated, I didn’t drink or smoke, I didn’t have a temper. I just don’t understand what happened. We have been married for thirteen years, this makes no sense!”
I could see that he was genuinely confused, I still remained silent, so I could absorb everything he was saying.

I have known Tom and Patricia (his wife) for a long time. And at one time they seemed like one of the happiest couples around. They were more then just husband and wife, more then just best friends, they were a team. I was envious and happy for what they had, it just seemed their relationship was so natural. Of course, over the years, things changed.

I wanted to tell Tom what I saw, but I knew I needed to hold my tongue. It wasn’t my job to give him my opinion, or advice. My job was to listen, to put myself into his shoes and see things from his perspective.

Tom’s story paralleled a lot with the other stories Iv’e heard. I understood what happened, because he was right, it was nothing he did, it is what he didn’t do that caused the relationship to crumble. Of course, there are no such things as 100 percent blame, a relationship is not destroyed solely because of one person.

It always seemed to boil down to two things. One being not lack of communication, but the lack of the right kind of communication.

The second thing, the one thing I call the most dangerous emotion of all, being too content.

When people become too content, too satisfied, they stop growing as a person. Once Tom achieved marrying the love of his life, he stopped pursuing her, because he had her (in his mind). The problem with that notion is, nobody really has anybody.

Tom, somewhere along the line, stopped pursuing her. They used to work on projects, go to movies, dinners, travel, and all that came to a slow stop. When people stop feeling appreciation from the one they are with, they will find appreciation somewhere else.

Of course, being content just isn’t dangerous for relationships, but for everything. Their is a difference between being appreciative for what you have, and growing. We should always be pursuing, learning new things, striving to better our minds, bodies and soul. When you better yourself, you better others, and if you can better yourself with someone else, you have a love that is evolving. Being content is being stagnant.

I used to be a runner, I ran cross country for my college team, and I was pretty good, I wasn’t winning any medals, but I was alright. Anyway, I decided to take a couple weeks off running after the season was over, because I was really tired of it. And I felt I deserved it. Anyhoo, weeks turned into months, months into a year. After I took a year off, I decided it would be a good idea to sign up for a 5K race. No big deal, I could run one of those in my sleep. I remember the gun going off, and I took off….

I barely finished the race, I was so exhausted. I used to run 5:10 minute miles, and that changed to 7:45 minute miles. I was shocked when I ran through the finish line about how slow I became. The point of all this is that I was content, I stopped training and I assumed my body would attain the same power and speed it had when I quit running. Of course in retrospect that was ridiculous. And that is exactly what happened to Tom and his relationship. He thought things were amazing, because they were amazing at one point of time. Everything rots unless we give active appreciation and care to it.  Just maintaining what you have takes effort and work.

Thank you for reading! I want to hear your thoughts on the post so I can learn from you. Have a wonderful day

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Equality

low self esteem

“We overlook just how large a role we all play–and by ‘we’ I mean society–in determining who makes it and who doesn’t.”
Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success

Equality, it is just a subjective term that does not exist, and causes a lot of anger.

I remember being in kindergarten, and how my teacher and parents would explain to me what equality was. How everyone should be treated fairly, and equally. Does not matter if you are a female, male, old or young, or what color you are. Everyone should be treated the same.

Of course, once that lesson is taught to us, it seems everything in the world contradicts that notion. It goes against nature itself.

I believe it is important to treat everyone with respect, and patience.

I wish they taught me instead to observe the world, and really deeply listen to others. To be empathetic, to see the world from their eyes.

If we were all born equally, with the same body, mind, income, and at same time, then sure, let us all treat each other equality. The problem is, we are all extremely different. Just the differences between men and women are giant in themselves. How I see the world, is uniquely different then how anyone else sees the world.

School systems are a one size fits all program, with very few variations on flexibility. I remember going to class, and I was terrible at trying to fit into the designated frame. I more or less fell through the cracks, I was put into a special-education program that was intended for slow learners. The problem with the class was that it only tried to teach you the mold they took you out of, it wasn’t intended to teach people new ways of learning.

I remember the first day I walked down to that classroom. I was pulled from my regular class from the teacher who taught the “rainbow learning workshop.” Everyone knew who that instructor was, so when he called my name, everyone stared at me, and a couple of kids covered their mouth to suppress a chuckle. My heart sank when he called my name, and I felt my self-esteem instantly shatter, like a rock being thrown through a thin pane glass window. I understood I was struggling, but this? The class was held in the basement, away from the general population.

After people learned I was in the “rainbow learning workshop,” they started treating me differently, even I started treating me differently. I felt stupid, and stopped thinking about college. I figured the best I could do is maybe run cross country for a community college, and find a remedial job that could make ends meet. I did not apply to any universities, didn’t study for the SAT’s (in fact, I don’t even remember taking them.) Because I figured, what is the point? I stopped trying in my other classes, because I gave up hope. I did not have the energy, the knowledge or experience to tell myself that I was in fact a very intelligent person. It would take me almost another fifteen years before my confidence started returning.

Funny isn’t it, it can take years to build self-esteem, but it only took one second to destroy mine.

This is not a story to make people feel for me, because in retrospect, it probably doesn’t even touch some of the things you went through. But, it is an example of what happens when people are all treated equally, when we are not equal at all.

We all have different strengths, weaknesses, brain chemistry, and body sizes. Some people grow up with a loving support system, while others have terrible things happen to them when they are children. Should they be treated equally?

This is one of the reasons why I want a universal support system, so we can learn from each-other, and not just see our similarities, but learn on how we are different. If someone is struggling in this general mold we have for success, then we need to listen to and observe that person, and absorb from their unique and beautiful way of learning. Perhaps the way they see the world, can save the world.

I could go on forever with this notion of equality. But I will stop for now so I can read your thoughts on the situation. I want to see your perspective, because I am fascinated with it.

Thank you so much for reading, please respond and join me on Twitter or YouTube!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Act like a dog

dog

“When an eighty-five pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”

Kristan Higgins (author, In Your Dreams)

When I visited my parents the other day, I saw him again. His large black eyes staring at me intently from behind the dining room windows, his two front paws tapping on the pane of glass with anticipation. He begin whining when I got closer to the house door. As soon as I enter, he comes barreling towards me, running, gaining momentum, his small fingernails sliding on the smooth wood. When he reaches me, his body launches onto my leg, latching on. I feel his energy, he is so excited a noise comes out of his muzzle that is not recognizable. He cannot take the excitement anymore, he detaches and starts running through the house, around and around he goes, sprinting, barking, jumping, just stopping abruptly for a lap of water from his dish, then off again. And while he does this, I think of how I have never in my entire life, have ever been so happy or thrilled. In fact, I don’t really recall anyone being so happy or thrilled that they had to run around the house because the happiness and anticipation was just so much. The funny thing is, I just saw sprinkles (not really his name, just covering it up for confidentiality) early that morning, not even two hours ago.

Why can we not achieve such happiness? I have heard people say that if you act like a dog when they are happy, then you will eventually feel the happiness.  So out of pure curiosity,  I acted like a dog, (when no one was around of course.) I ran around the house, jumping, with a big smile on my face. After the initial feeling of foolishness past, I actually did start to feel good, actually felt like a dog might have felt. That was until I looked out the window, and I saw my neighbor staring at me. Naturally I burst out laughing when I saw him looking, just because I can’t even imagine what he was thinking.

The point of this ridiculous story is not that I’m jealous of dogs, or that the fact my neighbor now thinks I’m crazy, it’s that our minds and bodies are in constant synch.  One follows the other.

My physiology affects my thoughts, and my thoughts effect my physiology. If I am sad, then the simple motion of smiling, will make me feel better, because my body is telling me that I’m happy. It may sound weird, but try it. Act like a dog for a couple minutes, I bet you will start feeling better almost instantly. I’m not a huge fan of the phrase “fake it until you make it,” but when it comes to being happy, there is definitely some good truth to it.

Please respond! I would love to learn from you, or join me on Twitter

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Simplicity

tits

If it’s working, keep doing it.

If it’s not working stop doing it.
If you’d don’t know what to do, don’t do anything.
-Dr. Melvin Konner

 

 

In our attempt to make things simpler, the world has grown exponentially complex. I find myself lost in a web of confusion, standing still not knowing where to go, because my mind is jammed up with to much “stuff.” Sometimes I feel like everyone knows how all these things work but me. Such a weird feeling, the explosion of technology and gadgets, and how we really don’t have much of a choice but to be plugged into society. It’s a funny feeling knowing that everything I say, and where I go, is recorded. It’s weird knowing that I can be seen from outer space by satellites.

Maybe things have always been this way, when I step back and look at evolution taking place. Subconsciously we are programed to advance ourselves, every species has to do it if they are to survive. If they do not evolve, they will die.

On a personal scale though, I know that if people keep themselves too busy, trying to keep up with the maddening pace of society, it is not healthy physiologically.

So I am going to evolve myself, by slowing down. By not thinking so much, and simplifying life. I am going to evolve by turning down my conscious patter, and learn how to be satisfied and appreciative of what I have, instead of what I don’t. I am going to evolve by giving away a lot of my possessions, because keeping a hold onto so many things is stressful, and less is easier. I’m going to evolve by getting off the computer and start taking walks in nature, and being thankful for the moment.

Iv’e realized that gadgets, like the mind, can work for you or against you. Through the internet we have Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, WordPress, and thousands of apps. It is an invention that has taken the world by storm, and is nothing short of incredible. But like anything, it is only a tool. Some of the loneliest people I know have thousands of friends on Facebook and other sites.

The greatest social site I have ever seen, is not through the computer at all. It is you plugging yourself into the outside world, and connecting with people on a deeper level. It is smiling at the stranger, bowling with a group of friends, or sharing a laugh with colleagues. Every time you talk to a new person, your mind creates thousands of new neural connections, because it is so alive with activity. It is not just what they say, but who they are, all the tons of little nuances of the non-verbal mixed in with the mysterious connections that we may never fully understand. It is the tingly nervousness of this new person because there is no hiding behind a screen. Have you ever heard of love at first site through an internet connection?

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Warmth in the cold

winter

“Stars can’t shine without darkness”

― D.H. Sidebottom, Fragile Truths

That is the good news if you are going through difficult times.
I remember when I was a child, and I was outside playing in the cold bitter snow, I remember the Christmas lights glowing dimly under that white blanket. The night was completely still, and it was so quiet it felt as if the world was standing still. The darkness glowed from the reflections of the trillions of iced geometric mirrors. I had my sled with me, and I was going down a small little hill that was a couple of neighborhoods away. I would make a mini snow man at the bottom of the slope, and then when I went down on my sled I would run it over. I thought it was funny, don’t judge me too hard, I was only in second grade. My face was beginning to turn numb from the bitter wind, and I could barely feel my fingers and toes.  It was time for me to go home. I began thinking about the muppets, and how much I enjoyed the color of Kermit’s shade of green and his funny looking ping-pong eyes. I knew they had a Christmas special on and I didn’t want to miss it. I walked home, and felt I was not going to make it, because the sweat on my head, hands, and feet froze, and I was colder then I could ever remember.

When I finally did reach my house, the windows glowed an inviting color, and my mother greeted me with a warm hot chocolate. I was young, but I remember appreciating the heat. I could not have appreciated the heat so much, if I did not come from the night’s cold grasp.

It reminds of my depression, it is those who suffer the most that feel the most. And when the sun finally does break through the clouds, and you feel the warmth of the sun shine on your face, the relief is almost poetic, at least for me.
The quote above reminded me of such a time, and it makes me happy to know that when I am sad, it will not last forever, and when I finally do feel good I will not take it for granted.

Thank you for reading, tell me what you think and have a wonderful day!!  Press this button for the music that goes along with this blog.

How society hypnotizes you

television

 

The three different ways society hypnotizes you, by hijacking your subconscious mind. 

I have studied hypnosis for awhile, so I could do self hypnosis on myself. The techniques in hypnosis are amazing, it can make you feel incredible, and help reprogram your subconscious mind.

Almost all the decisions you make, are automatic. They do not require much conscious thought. The mind purposely does this because if we had to think about every single thing, our mind would overheat, and we would all go nuts from all the stimulus in our environment. Of course, just like anything, with the good comes the bad. In our minds effort to make things automatic, it is easy for it to put large amounts of data into little boxes, hence it is where stereotypes, judgements and bad habits come in. And once a box is made, it can be hard to unmake.

The advertising industry knows all of this. And the advertising industry is everywhere, not just the obvious ones you see on tv, magazines, and billboards. They are designed not to talk to communicate with your conscious mind, but your subconscious mind, so that when you come across what they want to sell, it is automatic without any thought.

You can take back your mind though, it’s all about becoming educated on what they are doing. So with no further ado, here is what they are doing….

Repetition. If you say something enough, over and over again, people will begin to believe it. So that is why adds will present you with the same message over and over and over and over again.
2. The pairing of stimulus. This simply means that they take a product, let’s say jeans, and then they pair it with beautiful people wearing the jeans all having a wonderful time. The subconscious mind will group all those things together, so when you come across those jeans you are going to automatically think of beautiful people and happiness. Drug companies are notorious for this, if you look at their commercials, the product is always paired with smiling families oozing ridiculous amounts of weird happiness.

3. Timing and mindframe. There are times when we are very aware and conscious, and then there are times we are relaxed and not very aware. If you were to be hooked up to an EEG, you would see different brain waves, at different times. I won’t go to deeply into this, but let’s just say the more emotional you are, to the more relaxed you are, the more your brain will accept suggestions. This is unfortunate in many ways, because the media will purposely put you in a state of fear, especially through the news, and then they will cut to commercial. With your heightened sense of fear or anger, from what you saw, your conscious guard is down, and commercials will then sink directly into your subconscious mind. It is a sneaky little trick, which is causing a lot of unnecessary fear in this country. Relaxation is the other median they use, that is why adds are so effective with television, because when we watch we go into a vegetative state, a trance state. When we go into a trance state, we are extremely suggestible. Try it out for yourself sometime, the next time you want your hubby to do the dishes, tell them to do it in your most relaxed voice, right after you give them a gentle shoulder rub. I promise you, they will be doing the dishes for the rest of the year because you put them into a state of relaxation.

Society uses a bunch of other methods to sink into our subconscious and manipulate us. But, if you recognize just the three things I stated above, I guarantee it will break the hold they have on your hijacked subconscious mind.

Tell me what you think! Please respond back so we all can learn from each other, or join me on Twitter

Have a wonderful day

American dream

carlin

 

“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

George Carlin

In America, trying to “make it” can prove difficult. If you decide to go to school, to make a prosperous career, even with a degree it is a huge risk. For my bachelors, it cost me over twenty thousand dollars, and I am still paying it back. I know many people who have masters, and do not even use the degree they have attained because either their field is not hiring at the moment, or they plain just don’t like the job. Because let’s face it, no-one can really know what a job is like until they work it. It is unfortunate that schools have turned into businesses, because in my experience, anything that focuses on profit, may not always have your best interest in heart. Not saying school is bad, in fact, it increases your chances of attaining a wonderful career a hundred fold.

So you decide not to go into the educational field, and save yourself thousands and thousands of dollars. What kind of job can you do? I guess there are a lot of ways to make money, if one is creative enough, maybe you could even start your own business doing something. So you start a business, put in thousands of hours in work and time. You invest in property, licenses, because deep down you believe you will make it. You take a loan out from the bank, and understand profits will not come for maybe a couple years. You have put everything on the back burner for your entrepreneur adventure, including your family and health. You have studied the books, and you have dreams of good income and being your own boss. Perhaps you do make it, and the money starts coming in, but the odds are against you. And the frustration hits when you realize you would have been more profitable if you just watched Opera all day for the last three years relaxing on the couch, instead of sacrificing everything. You begin to wonder if you can ever bounce back….

I have lived both scenarios. In fact, I am presently living both now. The mountain of debt that faces me climbs everyday, and hard work is not always (sometimes rarely) rewarded. I am sure many of you (if not all of you) are facing similar circumstances.

We have to unite, and support each other. Find solutions and fix some of the things that have gone off track. I wish I could say I have solutions now, but even right now as I write this, while I create my websites, get my masters, and work a job that keeps me alive and not much else, I feel the growing frustration seep into my heart.

Let me hear what you have to say, let us open a discussion so we can all learn from each other.

Have a wonderful day and thank you for reading!  You can also join me on Twitter

Simple arm exercises you can do at home

This blog post has more or less turned into a personal journal, I forget at times why I started it in the first place. Yes, I am using it to help create a new paradigm in the American Mental Health system, (no problem, right?) but I am also a certified life coach and personal trainer. I forget that sometimes the simplest things, are the best things. It is not just being lazy either, it is survival. We have made life so amazingly complicated, I feel like I am inside this web of confusion, not knowing how to get out. When things become too crazy, when you feel like you have a mountain in front of you is when procrastination kicks in. So, alas, here is a simple, yet effective blog entry on how to keep in shape in your own home, without having to go to a gym.

Society makes us feel we have to go to an expensive gym, hire a trainer, and have a degree in personal training and nutrition to get any strong results. I am here to tell you that is false. You can build the body you want, the muscle you want without spending a penny, by using what is in your own home.

 

SIMPLE ARM EXERCISES YOU CAN DO AT HOME

  1. Triceps extensions. Triceps are the muscles on the back of your arms.

Do you have a half gallon of milk in the fridge? Or a cantaloupe? Or something lying around that weighs about 2 to 5 pounds? Put your hands around the object, lift it straight over your head, bend your arms until the object is right behind the base of your skull, then extend your arms so the object is straight over your head again.

Do three sets of ten. Breathe out when the weight is going up, breathe in when the weight is going down.

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2. To build shoulders. Do you have soup or vegetable cans lying around? Pick them up, and have your arms extended down by your side. Raise your arms laterally until they extend slightly above your head, hold for one second, and then slowly return them to your side. Do three sets of ten. Breathe out when raising the weight, breathe in when lowering.

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Biceps. With those same soup cans, turn your hands so your palms are facing out. With your elbows at your side, and your arm fully extended, bend your elbows until the soup can connects to your shoulder. Lower slowly and repeat. Breathe out when flexing, breathe in when extending. Three sets of ten.

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So this is a beginners workout regimen for those who want to start building strong arms. If you like this post, and want to add to it, please comment, and join me on Twitter. I hope you enjoyed! I will be posting how to do legs, chest, and back later on.

 

 

 

 

Triggers

anger2

This is from a guest writer who wishes to be anonymous, please enjoy and add to the discussion after reading!

Triggers
Anorexia, bulimia, panic attacks, mood swings, being sad, getting mad, smoking, eating things that are not good for us too often, overeating, binge eating, cutting, burning, abusing alcohol, indulging in illicit or overusing prescription drugs. These are all things that can lead to that empty black void you feel afterward that leaves you feeling depressed, ashamed, and guilty. Someone or something triggered these responses. Do you know what these are in your life?
Trigger is an often used word that is associated with some sort of addiction but it can be anything for anyone and leaving them open to a poor emotional and physical reaction. The key to getting in touch with these triggers is to carefully become aware of your reaction to different situations. Your partner/spouse/family know exactly what button(s) to push to make you feel angry, sad, happy, etc. Then why do your loved ones use them? To gain control over a little part of their life for a short time, maybe? Who knows their reasoning for doing this? Most times the answer is NO ONE. It’s up to each of us to figure out what those buttons are and defuse the energy that is given to them.
There are many therapies that can help you take control of these buttons/triggers. The one that is “the right one” is the one that works for you! Hypnosis, meditation, deep breathing, exercising, grounding yourself in reality before reacting, look at the situation from a different perspective to name very few. You have to be open first to learning to take a moment to think before you react and decide if your reaction is a healthful one. It is known, that first comes an action from someone or something else. Second comes a thought of how who will react or deal with what has been done. Third is our outward reaction. And lastly, what happens afterwards. If we allow ourselves to take that split second of thought before we react and extend the time we give it, would you have the same reaction? You get the time to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. To actually get what is being said, the undertones, rather than the words that are actually being said. For instance, spouse comes home from a very hard day at work where nothing went right. Begins yelling at other spouse about why this or that wasn’t done or completed or where is dinner, why aren’t the kids settled and why are their toys all over. If we stop and think before reacting by yelling back, we can nip this argument in the bud and figure out what’s really going on so that after we don’t feel guilty about something that was not our fault in the first place and thus keeping us from a trigger that would lead us to depression.
You have to get to take the time and find your triggers. You should do this with someone whether it be your family, friends, professional, or someone who may actually say or do the actions that are your triggers to become more depressed. They have to understand that you have decided to take an active part in your mental health for everyone’s sake. You have to tell them what you are trying to do and why. Set boundaries or time out spots for yourself to calm down from whatever triggered you to become depressed. Once you have done that, you are actively taking a role in your own life for things to happen around you and not to you. It’s not easy. It’s very hard. It takes lots of practice. You have to be committed to doing this for it to work. It isn’t the easy path but it’s the way to the right one.

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