I decided I wanted to be a firefighter after I saw the movie “Backdraft.” I wanted to be the hero, the man going through the flickering flames, burning bright orange, saving the damsel in distress. I wanted to feel the wind blasting through my face, as I hung on to the pole on the back of the fire truck, speeding through the city streets towards danger.
Deep down, I always felt something was a little off about that dream. I made becoming a firefighter a reality, but it was a far cry from what my imagination created. Through the power of transference, a lot of people thought the same way I did when I occupied the job. They believed I fought fires on a daily basis, and that my life was constantly on the line. I remember talking to these two women in the bar, and my partner who was trying to get one of the lady’s phone number, was taking advantage of the “hero firefighter” stereotype. She was reluctant to give him his number, he said that it was alright, but it would be a shame if he never got to go out with such a beautiful woman, before the flames took his life. She gave him his number. I laughed when I heard that, because the reality was, a pizza delivery driver had a higher chance of dying on the job then a firefighter. With fire suppression technology the way it is, structure fires were becoming less and less a reality. I do not mean to bring down the job, when duty calls, any one of us would be willing to lay our lives down on the line. Even though I laughed after he used that line, I felt rotten. Why did he need to use such crap to try to find romance? Was not just being himself enough?
It made me start thinking about all the people out there who used “gimmicks” in picking up other people. One person I talked to, told me about this man on a dating site who brags about his cars, and money. It made me sad, was he himself not enough? What made me even more sad, was the fact that I am sure he did attract a lot of people because of his money and possessions.
I decided that I was not going to be that kind of person. I was not going to use a “gimmick” in trying to find friends or romance. I wanted people to like me for who I was, not for what I had or the job I did. A job does not define me, having a nice car does not tell you anything about the person. Yes, my friend did get that woman’s phone number, and they did have a couple of dates, but she eventually saw through him. It has got to be exhausting trying to impress people all the time. On a deeper level, I pondered what kind of self-esteem someone must have if they have to impress others with things, instead of believing in their own personality, their own substance.
I am not naïve though, I know the kind of world we live in, especially life in America where possessions and money are king. Gimmicks do work. And I cannot argue with someone who has found love using a gimmick. Ron, who is now happily married, initially had to impress his wife using his truck. I asked Nichole (his wife) if that was case, and she gave me a resounding “no”, she told me it was because he was sweet and funny.
I believe the truck gave Ron confidence. I believe Nichole when she says the truck had nothing to do with it. Even if the truck initially attracted Nichole to Ron, the awesomeness of the truck would eventually wear off, and you better hope you got some substance behind you.
I am no longer a firefighter/paramedic. After that job, I worked a lot of remedial jobs. I was a bouncer, worked the floor in Menards, drove a van for disabled people, now I am working on getting a master in counseling, I realized though, it was not the job that found me friends or romance, it never was. The job gives the person confidence, but you do not need a job for that. You just need yourself, just need to tell yourself that you are awesome. If you tell yourself that you are awesome enough, through the law of repetition you will feel awesome. And once you feel awesome, you will radiate awesomeness. So, drive a Lamborghini, or a bicycle, it does not matter. PEOPLE WILL BE ATTRACTED TO YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO YOU. You do not need a 250,000-dollar gimmick.
Try it for a week, just talk really nice to yourself, make your internal dialogue work for you, instead of against you. I guarantee you will start noticing differences. You will begin to feel better about yourself, and about the world in general. People will be attracted to your essence, to you.
Please write back, and tell me what you think. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Everyone needs some extra help, someone to listen to them, to help them achieve their goals and feel better. I have been a life coach, and personal trainer for years and am currently getting my masters/PhD in counseling and therapy. Please feel free to call me if you would like to talk about the possibility of having a life coach. Just dial 517-898-7574